You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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