The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
