there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
