you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
