She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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