we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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