Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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