if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
