i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
