Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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