last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
