Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh god it's open bar.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
