just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
