God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
