Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
