last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
