All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
