Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
