She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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