Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize