I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
