so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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