She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Drake has all the answers
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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