I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
