alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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