I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
