I think my fart just growled at me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
