someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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