Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
