My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
