Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
