its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
