I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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