That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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