i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
