I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
