I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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