I met the friendliest cop last night
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
