corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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