i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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