where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
