just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
