ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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