evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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