i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
