Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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