He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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