In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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