I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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