i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
