Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
