Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
