fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
