You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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