dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
