he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
