If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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