if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
