YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You left your phone here
Wait...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
