I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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