She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
