mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
