That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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