he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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