I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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