this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
