My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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