Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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