Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
