can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
