My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
